i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
