Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
