When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
