UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
She needs sedatives and a leash
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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