I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
