im gay
i know
yea but for you.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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