Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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