you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
