I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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