so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
