There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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