Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
