How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
