no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
