i wish my penis had a tongue
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
