Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
