we're chasing vodka with high fives
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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