and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
