can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
