Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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