hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
