Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
im calling her cock vulture from now on
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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