I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
