true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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