I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
