the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
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