I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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