Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
