she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
