I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
