I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
