I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
