DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
