I cannot find my penis.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
