Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
