She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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