anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
