On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
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