he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
