Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
