My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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