Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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