I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
