Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
