jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
