and my herpes radar will keep us safe
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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