yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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