He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
