someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
this is an emotional support booty call
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
