remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
