No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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