is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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