I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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