I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize
